Funny Jokes | Gun Control PDF Print E-mail
funny jokes - funny jokes
Written by funny jokes humor   
Sunday, 09 October 2011 17:48

Funny Jokes | Gun Control


Barack Obama at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas , asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.'

Then, little Richard Earl , with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said: ''Well, dumb-ass, stop clapping!'

 
blonde jokes | Only three doors PDF Print E-mail
blonde jokes - blonde jokes
Written by funny jokes humor   
Wednesday, 05 October 2011 16:59

blonde jokes | Only three doors


=======================================================

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
=============================================================

blonde jokes

 
Clean Jokes | Four Worms PDF Print E-mail
clean jokes - clean jokes
Written by funny jokes humor   
Monday, 10 October 2011 19:42

Clean Jokes | Four Worms

 

Four Worms and a lesson to be learned

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol -Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup -Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil -Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -

What did you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service --

 
funny adult jokes | 10 Husbands, Still a Virgin PDF Print E-mail
funny adult jokes - funny adult jokes
Written by funny jokes humor   
Wednesday, 05 October 2011 16:45

funny adult jokes | 10 Husbands, Still a Virgin


=======================================================
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
=============================================================
funny adult jokes

 
Really Funny jokes : How the Stimulus Plan Will Work PDF Print E-mail
really funny jokes - really funny jokes
Written by funny jokes humor   
Monday, 10 October 2011 19:23

Really Funny jokes : How the Stimulus Plan Will Work


Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.

One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.

"The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the WhiteHouse official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys!

How did you come up with such a high figure?"The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.

""Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.